The morning of November 26th I noticed things were changing. My due date was in two days on the 28th. I had mild contractions throughout the day and I thought, "This is good. The more work my body does leading up to labor the less I'll have to do when it happens." I prayed that I would go into labor in the morning after a good nights rest but I should have known better...I went into labor at 6pm with both Andre and Selah. At 6pm I was Christmas shopping with Keenan at Target. I was having one to two contractions an hour and waddling around the store while people gave me sympathetic/concerned looks. (I stopped getting the what-a-cute-pregnant-girl looks over a month before) I wondered of they could tell I was in labor. When we left the store I remember looking at the beautiful sunset and commenting to Keenan that this may be the last time I see the sun before Amera is born. (Maureen, my doula/photographer/best friend/cheerleader took this picture of the sky that night-maybe while I was looking too.)
My mom was already at my house watching the kids while Keenan and I were shopping. When we got home I told her that I thought "this was it". She was excited and helped me put the kids to bed. It was emotional kissing them and knowing that their little lives would be forever changed when they woke up. Looking back it was so primal and perfect that I went into labor at night. My kids were asleep and it was a quiet, safe time to give birth. My mom helped me time my contractions around 9:00. Then the dreaded call. To my midwife. Dreaded because I'm not sure if I'm terrible at timing contractions or if I'm just regularly irregular but it was like de-ja-vous when Charlotte (my midwife) told me that my contractions should be a little longer and to call her back in a half hour. Same thing happened with the other two! In the meantime she said to fill the birth tub. This is when my hero-I mean husband saved me (the first time that night). He called Charlotte back and told her to come immediately. He recognized all the signs by now and was afraid that if she waited too long he was going to have to deliver the baby himself.
Maureen came over right away and filled the room with joy. Even though she isn't a trained doula-I had asked her to be with me during the birth because she's passionate about birth, has had 2 natural deliveries herself, and is a dear friend that I love. My Mom, who had been a little nervous at the births of my other kids was surprisingly calm and amazingly supportive-especially since her baby was having a home birth! Between Maureen and my Mom and Keenan, I had the perfect birthing trio to help me. They were filling me with love and positive energy. Charlotte arrived around 10:15 and upon hearing that my contractions were longer and closer together she went into warp speed setting up for the birth.
I was managing my contractions pretty well up until that point- but I was looking forward to getting in the birthing tub. I was breathing, praying, listening to my music and speaking positive affirmations. I kept saying, "This is going to be fast" and "Open up." Charlotte told me I could get in the water at 5cm and when she checked me around 10:45 I was 5cm! I was so excited! I labored in the hospital tub with Selah and it was SO much better than my labor (terrible, long story) with Andre. The tub was a bit dissapointing because the water wasn't very warm. I crawled in and got on my knees with my head hanging over the edge of the tub. (This was not premeditated-it was the position my body wanted to be in at the time) I was only slightly distracted by the temperature of the water because all of a sudden I had a huge contraction. I wasn't able to breathe through it and I remember thinking, "Wow. This shouldn't be this hard already". That is when I looked up and into Keenan's eyes. They are a beautiful ocean green color. Looking into his eyes made me feel calm, so I decided to stare into his eyes during every contraction.
The calm definitely preceeded the storm because another hard contraction hit me and it was all I could do to stare in his eyes. When it was over I remember telling myself to completely relax every muscle in my body. I like this picture because it was, believe it or not, the hardest part of my labor. I felt in control and on another planet all at the same time. Later Keenan told me that although I was looking in his eyes, it seemed that I was looking straight through him. He kept telling me he loved me and he was proud of me. We kissed a couple of times. The third (or maybe fourth) hard contraction hit and suddenly I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. Yes, I've heard that when you feel like you have to go to the bathroom its time to push, but I REALLY thought I had to go to the bathroom-number 1, 2 3 and 4! I had only been in the tub 15 minutes! I told Charlotte I had to go, and I started getting out of the tub. I didn't feel an urge to push-I felt an obligation! She told me to NOT get out of the tub until she checked me and I remember thinking, "Something is about to come out and there is nothing I can do about it." 
Then I felt her head come out. I knew what it was but I couldn't believe it. Wasn't I just 5 cm 15 miniutes ago?! Charlotte told me her head was a turning a little blue and to go ahead and push her out. So I did. I didn't make a sound during the pushing-so no one but me and Charlotte knew she was out. Her hand was beside her head, "on the phone" as Charlotte described it, and the cord was wrapped around her neck,torso and leg. Keenan help turn me over so she could get a better look and she quickly untangled her while she floated in the water. Thanks to my mom I have video of this part-it is absolutely amazing.
When Charlotte pulled her out of the water and gave her to me she was crying, and everyone cheered and gasped in amazement. It happened so fast! Amera Elizabeth was born at 11:00pm.
I was still on another planet as I held my new daughter for the first time. I didn't cry or even speak. My heart was filled with joy, love and relief as I kissed the top of her head. Keenan said, "You did it baby", and I rested my head on the edge of the tub. I did it. She was here and she was perfect.
Keenan cut the cord, and I held my baby-trying to process everything in my head. I couldn't believe how everything happened and that it was over. Charlotte and her assistant helped me into my bed and checked Amera over. Both of us were good.
It was an amazing feeling to be in my bed, skin to skin with my new baby. In the hospital they would have taken her away to check, bathe, weigh her etc. I got to hold my baby immediately and for as long as I wanted. Keenan got in the bed with us and it was such a special moment for me to be with my husband and welcome our new daughter into our lives and into our home. Another special moment was when Andre and Selah woke up the next morning and got to meet their new little sister.
I know that home-birth isn't for everyone, but it was the right decision for our family, and I will forever treasure the memory. I truly believe that birth is transformative for a woman. I feel like I was re-born with the birth of each of my children. Through each experience (one bad hospital experience, one good hospital experience and one home birth), I have learned so much. I've learned that while childbirth may not be pain free-it can be fear free. I've learned that toughness gets you no where, you have to surrender. I've learned that God created an amazing body and a powerful mind. Childbirth has made me more confident in myself as a woman, wife and mother. I hope that every woman can experience birth the way she wants to, so she can carry the memories in heart as a gift. When I watched Amera's birth video for the first time I noticed that the song Blackbird sung by Sarah McLachlan was playing when she was born. I have a feeling Amera will hear that song often when I sing to her at night..."all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise."